Why

 That last bit where I say why wouldn’t we want a relationship why wouldn’t we want to be sharing your day.

Reminded me when I realised that my child, who was in nursery so I can go to work, wasn’t some kind of parcel  - he was a person and there was more to consider then just where to put him while I was working because he had feelings to consider too.

I remember saying as much to my line manager at work that I realised that there is more to it than just finding the right place to put a special kind of parcel that you’re dealing with a person.

And this relationship between myself and my child obviously came unexpectedly and I presume now that I’ve said the last post on not wanting to wake up but doing so in order to be with my child even though he is old enough to look after himself, I realise that the feeling that the child is a special kind of parcel and then realising that he is not must come from the relationship I had with my own parents or if you like their relationship with their children, their relationship with me.

So each morning from the age of seven both my parents would go off to work and I would wake up to an adult free house and get myself washed and dressed for school and make a cup of tea and I’ll carry it to the station in the makeshift margarine tub disposable mug that is a precursor to today’s Starbucks or Costa Coffee and then I catch a train at 7:47 to Chelmsford and from there and walk to school stop at 8 o’clock in the morning with the bakers oven opened and everything was fresh and hot for a doughnut for breakfast it was 8 1/2p and walk the rest of the way School and then wait for the schools open.

Our house was cold and damp and shabby. so I’ll describe the bathroom and walking into the bathroom which has no lock but mum has put an open close sign outside like the sort you get in small shops that you turned to say closed or open hanging on a string and there is a long chain hanging from a high cistern and the bathroom is essentially black and white is the whole house is white washed but the system is black and other parts of the Bath side panel of black there is no mirror this is because my dad is blind he doesn’t need a mirror there is no mirror in the bathroom and the new towel rail I have a friend visiting complaining there was no towel in the bathroom. Yeah there was it was simply in the bath because where else would you put a towel I don’t think I knew about her house yet and I still struggle with the concept today so little cleaning was done in my house so this bathroom would’ve been basic frequently had no hot water and the paint peeled from the walls again a friend has it in the house stuff that are peeling paint saying that you shouldn’t use water-based paint in the bathroom scoff scoff as if we’re all supposed to have capable sighted parents or something. Other friends said things like why haven’t you got carpets why haven’t you got wallpaper why haven’t you got a proper house so of course I soon learnt to make sure no one ever came home and no one found out how we lived with the fridge in the hallway and my parents wardrobe so the clothes in the hall and everything more making do than what my so-called friends would’ve called ‘proper’. I guess the plastic were the vents in the windows soon broke and again became scruffy were meant as a way of relieving the fact that the bathroom was damp hence the heat peeling wallpaper wallpaper paint the greenest stay in the bath in the cup piping doesn’t really seem unreasonable but with peeling paint and the ageing bathroom furniture above the sink very high system toilet with a very long chain I know what I did to a sense of shabbiness price of the sort I wish I guess people are now I guess the plastic were the vents in the windows soon broke and again became scruffy were meant as a way of relieving the fact that the bathroom was damp hence the heat peeling wallpaper wallpaper paint the greenest stay in the bath in the cup piping doesn’t really seem unreasonable but with peeling paint and the ageing bathroom furniture above the sink very high system toilet with a very long chain I know what I did to a sense of shabbiness price of the sort I wish I guess people are now look to copy.