Controllers

 Controllers

I’ve just posted a birthday card to a friend. for many years I had almost no contact with my friends; I didn’t meet them, interact with them or indeed post birthday cards to them. So in lots of ways I was a very bad friend. when schoolmates got in touch with the new ‘friends reunited’ app it wasn’t me that fielded the emails, it was Simon. Simon was very controlling and I didn’t meet with, or have contact with my friends because of him. Of course he was using the fact that I have anxiety and need to feel safe so I keep myself Separate from others and safe, and don’t want my family to find me or find out where I am, so he used the fact that I was needing to be kept safe to exert the control that he wanted of me. and it was financial control as well, so he used all of my money to what he decided to spend it on and I simply had to go along with it. so I’d always think, ‘well, it doesn’t matter I don’t get to spend my own money anyway’, and he was violent. I remember a time when he pushed me so hard that I fell into the kettle, breaking the kettle and - then he had a go at me for breaking the kettle. it’s just as well we never owned a dishwasher. 

I often felt trapped especially on our boat because being on water you can’t run away so when he was violent on the boat I literally couldn’t leave and all of my money went into buying that boat yeah I left him with it when I went.

I walked out on tens of thousands of pounds of assets but believe me the safety and the freedom are worth it. if you’re ever in that situation and you’re thinking that you’d have to walk away from everything you own and everything you’ve worked for years to pay for just do it. do it now.

I am so glad that I am able these days to post my friend a birthday card and I am so sorry that I did not for many years post them birthday cards or keep in contact with them and they don’t know I don’t think it is because of the controlling and abusive relationship I was in which was necessary because I had to escape a abusive and violent and traumatic past and Millie having that past and feeling the need to conceal it so that others do not know prevent you from getting on with life you feel you cannot do things because you cannot let people know so you don’t do them because you’d have to tell them or they would find out

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