I didn’t want to wake up

 I so didn’t want to wake up today I was very tired and wanted to stay in bed my alarm went off and I didn’t want to open my eyes but I have to because my child needs to be ready for school in the morning other than that I’m completely unemployed.

So up I get and I wash a little and get dressed and find something yellow for him to wear to school as I found out at three in the morning that I need something yellow and a pound for School and that he is having his flu vaccine today to go downstairs and I tell him is he wearing blue and yellow. later I’ll have to put the blue things away for him to wear on Monday.

.The bit I said here

I lay there wishing that he be able to get myself up and make his own breakfast to make his own lunch and see himself off as I would’ve done.

I’m not sure why my mother thought it was better that she set off for work leaving me in the house alone to get up and get myself off to School then it would’ve been to see me off as much for her as for me and my welfare.

As he might hold off to School wishing him a good day I’m blowing him a kiss from the front door and I want him to have a secure childhood and not one he has to spend his adult hood recovering from.

Sometimes in the news you see children that have been dreadfully neglected by a parent and aggrieving second parent that was absent from the family home grieving for the loss of the child killed by the other parent . and you think to yourself why did they not intervene then? why if they were around but not living there did they not intervene if they were worried for that child? This also  applied to my parents; it’s not just down to my mum wanting to go to work in the morning and leaving me to get myself up. Why did my dad not think that was also bad or wrong, or just would be better to leave a message right wrong is what feels right isn’t it ? and it would feel wrong to leave my child to defend for him self. It would feel wrong to lay there in bed sleeping or resting with my eyes closed for my child get myself off to school. and I think it would give the wrong impression that mums can just lay in their pits while the child gets hin self off to School. I know he’s 10, nearly 11 now and people would say he is now more than capable but then why wouldn’t we want a relationship why wouldn’t I want to be there for him and why wouldn’t we want to be sharing our day?

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