Irene 3

 Irene 3

Visiting Irene. Irene invited me to visit her at her home. I had not seen any member of my family for many years and Irene was one person I missed and she was the hardest person to have no contact with. but I always felt that if she knew where I was she’d feel obliged to tell my mum where I was and obviously I had to keep myself safe. So it was a great sadness that I had no contact with Irene. So when Irene invited me for a cup of tea and a piece of cake I agreed. I knew mum would be there and I didn’t feel that I minded, after all what harm can come from tea and cake? So I drove out to see Irene. I had a little accident in my car on the way, tearing off a wing mirror. But I continued on anyway. I think this is more out of obligation because you said you do something so you do it than out of a sort of determination despite damaging the car.

 I had already done my grieving years before when I had to leave my family so it didn’t feel of any consequence to see them now. Irene had a friend with her when I arrived, Ian, and he relayed to Irene that I had said I would pick mum up from the station if she wanted, as mum would be coming by train. He relayed it to Irene as though it was a surprising thing and a good thing. I think Irene had asked him to be there as a friend in case some kind of trouble kicked off. but I didn’t feel any kind of hard feelings I left home and had no contact my family in order to keep myself safe, as it was the only method available to me. so it’s a surprise to me that Ian I felt it unusual that I would pick mum up at the station seeing as I could.

When mum arrived she and Irene sat down with me and wanted to tell me something serious and important. In my absence my mother had been robbed by my sister. she’d lost her home and the miniature furniture that her father had left her. Mum had found that Avril told lies. Mum said to me that she told me she was sorry that there would never be any inheritance. she wanted to apologise for to me because she lost everything and there was nothing for me to inherit. Irene felt the same. It clearly weighed heavy with them and felt sad and bad about telling me. Of course for me I had left many years ago and to me my family have been lost the day I’d had to leave to keep myself safe. I had grieved for them and it was behind me. I’d never expected inheritance because it is something I had to leave behind to keep myself safe. I’d come to terms with the fact that never be a family inheritance for me decades before, because being safe was far more important. I had had to lose everything. So when my mum and aunt sat me down to tell me their difficult and weighty news they were very relieved to find that I had come to terms with that many years earlier. 

And this again is a source of comfort to me. my visits to Irene in the months before she died and that she was brought relief and comfort in that time, and joy.

What I did not expect to come out of that meeting that day was an ongoing dialogue with my mother. Because I had already grieved for her for over a decade I didn’t expect there to be any ongoing conversation into the future with her and so I thought I was just going for tea and cake. I was surprised to find afterwards that my mother wanted to have an ongoing conversation with me after the tea and cake event was over.