Shame

 Shame

sexual assault is very shaming for the victim especially when they are made to feel that they are guilty and especially when they are made to feel that they had no right to complain when they are dismissed by the police or family or told not to be so silly about their claims or asked to prove that they were assaulted or asked if they were asking for it in someway, such as when I was merely  11 and yet the police asked me if I had been wearing knickers. clearly it is implied that if I had not been then gang raping a child is my fault. 

I have found that therapists often misunderstand or misinterpret shame. they tell me that I mustn’t feel ashamed because it wasn’t my fault and I did nothing wrong . But these are not the reasons I feel shame; the experience of being raped of being stripped naked, pinned down spreadeagled, of having several men rape you, penetrate you, of being raped anally of having objects inserted into you, pushed up inside you are shaming actions. they are humiliating. Hey make you feel like rubbish. Forever. So it does nothing to tell a victim - survivor, that the shame belongs to the men and not you. And  frankly the shame also belongs to the police for dismissing or questioning  or turning the blame around on you. What the therapist seems to miss is not that you feel guilty as if you have committed the rape your self or caused the rape to have been committed, but that you feel ashamed of the acts that were done to you because they are shaming acts, dirtying acts, humiliating, degrading Acts. And so the therapists miss the point and as a result of course fail to treat the problem.

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