Morning thoughts

 I wake up with a sense of soul, crushing emptiness.

We have no purpose or motivation. I have plenty of things to get on with by 7:20 am. All of the absolute necessary. Things are complete. And then there’s a full of emptiness, and it’s not even late yet. It’s still dark outside, and the Sun doesn’t come up at this time of year until gone 8 am. It begins to be light about 20 minutes before so at 7:49 I go out and put the washing on the line. It’s not gonna rain at all but it won’t get much above freezing it’s got all day. And it’s better than the wet washing hanging around inside the house. I put out recycling into the silver bin one 04 bins. It’s just light to make out the different colours of the different bins so that I can put the recycling into the correct one that I have two for packaging star recycling and one for garden recycling, so 25% of my bin capacity is for landfill which seems like a good ratio and because I don’t put that one out every time it’s more like 12 1/2% .

I lose the thread of my thoughts as I think about people I have known in the past characters I have met and they’re still 10 minutes to go to Sun up. I’ve completed all my online games and Word puzzles which are my main form of socialisation. I’ve checked my child’s blood sugars. I’m monitored his progress on the school bus to make sure he’s safely on his way to his education..

I’ve checked my pension. It looks like bad news and my bank account and checked how I am doing with my spend against my budget which looks like good news will sit downloading books. I wonder my life will be improved by read aloud books now that my attention span means that I can’t settle to reading a proper book anymore And I resolve to a busy day ahead because they’re all still quite a few things that can will be done 

I wonder constantly about people and ignorance and will fall stupidity. About the woman at computer services in Crownfield when I registered as a PhD student who just treated me badly because of her ignorance of the difference between registration for a PhD student and registration for student. I was being treated badly because she was ignorant. And the same goes for staff at the undergraduate University I went to in Salford. It would seem that there is an assumption that people have a family home to go to between terms or fall back on or indeed family to fall back on, and no one says that they’ve made that assumption or that that is truth, so many other people that you should make it clear that is not true for you, because how am I to know that my situation differs from others Especially if I’m barely 18, and of course have no other life experience other than my own ? So the store treat you badly because they assume that you are there on some kind of jelly and that you have a home to go to so this is just like a trip out for you. You’re staying here, not living here. But It’s not a party, it’s life.