writing up my PhD

 

January is always hard. But it doesn’t have to be. Some years it stretches well beyond its calendar days and lodges itself in memory as a season rather than a month. This January has been going on for about 100 days already. And bad Januaries (is that the plural? …I’ll stick with it) tend to dominate my memory of the month. 

Looking back, I’ve noticed a pattern. The Januaries I remember most negatively were the ones where I was largely reacting.  There was the January that I buried my mother and the January in which I succumbed to postnatal depression.  Circumstances took the lead, decisions were deferred, and I found myself in response mode rather than choice mode. Those months felt heavy not only because they were difficult, but because they felt out of my hands.

Good Januaries were different. They were marked by agency. By deciding something. Finishing something that required persistence. Starting something that involved uncertainty. Making a change rather than waiting for one. There is the January in which I completed my PhD. And the January in which I bought my own home. The January in which I made a big career change. Not everything was controllable, but enough was.

That distinction has stayed with me. Not because we can control everything, we can’t. Life will always deliver its share of disruption, loss, and surprise. But we can usually control one thing: to take one small step forward rather than standing still. To act no matter how imperfectly, or how small.

So if January feels heavy this year, maybe do one good thing for yourself. One decision. One boundary. One constructive action. Something chosen. Something intentional. Something that marks this as a January you participated in, not just endured.

I’m going to give that a go. 

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So if January feels heavy this year, maybe the goal isn’t to fix the whole month. Maybe it’s just to do one good thing for yourself. Something chosen. Something intentional. Something that marks this as a January you participated in, not just endured.

This distinction has shaped how I think about leadership, including self-leadership. Resilience isn’t about powering through or projecting certainty. It’s about recognising when you’ve slipped into passivity and deliberately reclaiming agency. One decision. One boundary. One constructive action that restores momentum.

We can’t control what arrives at our door. But we can usually control how intentionally we meet it.

So if January feels heavy this year, perhaps the aim isn’t to fix everything. Perhaps it’s to choose one thing you will act on deliberately this month. It is ok to start embarrassingly small. More ‘read two pages a day’ than ‘read a book’. Let’s give it a go.

What is one small, intentional decision you’re making to set the tone for the year ahead?

There was the January that I buried my mother and the January in which I succumbed to postnatal depression. They may in fact, have been the same January. But good Januaries happen. There is the January In which I completed my PhD. The January in which I bought my own home. The January in which I made a big career change. And now that I’m talking about it, I can see the good Januaries are those in which I took control. And bad Januaries are where events happened to me. You can’t always be in control of events that happened to you. Children are born, parents die. Shit happens. But maybe you can also make it a good January by doing one good thing for yourself. Let’s give it a go.

January can feel interminable. Some years it’s simply a month. Other years it becomes a state of mind.

Looking back, I’ve noticed a pattern. The Januaries I remember most negatively were the ones where I was largely reacting. Circumstances took the lead, decisions were deferred, and I found myself in response mode rather than choice mode. Those months felt heavy not only because they were difficult, but because they felt out of my hands.

The better Januaries were different. They were marked by agency. By deciding something. Finishing something that required persistence. Starting something that involved uncertainty. Making a change rather than waiting for one. Not everything was controllable, but enough was.

This distinction has shaped how I think about leadership, including self-leadership. Resilience isn’t about powering through or projecting certainty. It’s about recognising when you’ve slipped into passivity and deliberately reclaiming agency. One decision. One boundary. One constructive action that restores momentum.

We can’t control what arrives at our door. But we can usually control how intentionally we meet it.

So if January feels heavy this year, perhaps the aim isn’t to fix everything. Perhaps it’s to choose one thing you will act on deliberately this month.

What is one small, intentional decision you’re making to set the tone for the year ahead?

January can feel interminable. Some years it’s just a month. Other years it becomes a mood.

Looking back, I’ve noticed a pattern. The Januaries I remember most negatively were the ones where I was largely reacting. Circumstances took the lead, decisions were deferred, and I found myself in response mode rather than choice mode. Those months felt heavy not because they were hard, but because they felt out of my hands.

The good Januaries were different. They were marked by agency. By deciding something. Finishing something difficult. Starting something uncertain. Making a change rather than waiting for one. Not everything was within my control, but enough was.

That distinction has shaped how I think about leadership, including self-leadership. Resilience isn’t about powering through or pretending things are fine. It’s about noticing when you’ve slipped into passivity and deliberately reclaiming some agency. One decision. One boundary. One constructive action that restores momentum.

We can’t control what arrives at our door. But we usually can control how intentionally we meet it.

So if January feels heavy this year, maybe the aim isn’t to fix everything. Maybe it’s just to choose one thing you will act on. Something small, but deliberate. Enough to remind you that you still have a hand on the wheel.

I’m trying that this January.
Curious what “taking back agency” looks like for others at this time of year.

January has a habit of feeling long. Some years it stretches well beyond its calendar days and lodges itself in memory as a season rather than a month.

For a long time, I noticed that my “bad Januaries” were the ones where life happened to me. Events arrived uninvited. Decisions were made elsewhere. I was reacting rather than choosing. Those months left a residue of heaviness that lingered far longer than winter ever should.

But there have been good Januaries too. When I think about them now, they share a common thread. They were moments of agency. Times when I made a deliberate decision, took ownership of a change, or committed to something that mattered to me. Finishing something difficult. Starting something uncertain. Choosing direction rather than drift.

That distinction has stayed with me. Not because we can control everything, we can’t. Life will always deliver its share of disruption, loss, and surprise. But we can usually control one thing: how intentionally we respond. Whether we take a small step forward rather than standing still. Whether we act, even imperfectly, instead of waiting for conditions to improve.

I’ve learned that resilience is rarely about grand gestures. It’s about noticing when you’ve slipped into passive mode and gently reclaiming some agency. One decision. One boundary. One constructive action that reminds you that you still have a hand on the wheel.

So if January feels heavy this year, maybe the goal isn’t to fix the whole month. Maybe it’s just to do one good thing for yourself. Something chosen. Something intentional. Something that marks this as a January you participated in, not just endured.

I’m going to give that a go.